Today's diary

My current working time is between 7.5 and 8 hours a day. And my commuting time is a little over one hour. I think such a life schedule is not so harsher than normal Japanese workers'. But I get heavy drowsy almost every day when I come back home. Maybe I haven't been so accustomed to my current life style yet. I'm easy to get upset when I can't go home on schedule because I'm not used to working over fixed time. but one of my friends says it's usual for Japanese office workers and that it's like marathon, so I will be get accustomed to doing it. I felt contradictory feelings... I wish I got used to working overtime, but I wanna do anything but that! Further more, I'm pressed by my superior to come to the office earlier. He says "you should have at least finished e-mail checking by the fixed starting time of work." But it seems that experienced colleagues come to the office shortly before the starting time. But I'm just a fledgeling, so I think I have to make efforts more than other colleagues, at least, for some periods.

Oh my god!

I can't keep my promise to write a diary or an essay everyday at all! But today is OK as I've written this sentence. (lol)  For your information, "lol（LOL）"　means "laugh out loud" , so it's accordingly similar to (笑) in Japanese.

the 1st day at my new office

Good evening! I said I'd continue writing my diary every day as much as possible because I want to be a professional writer some day. But I just can't write it on the second day! But don't worry. Well for me, I had been writing "as much as possible". So it doesn't quite matter.

Today is when my new job has started. Of course it was fresh and exciting for me. However I couldn't help my eyelids dropping for a few times. Inside the company were some neat chairs and comfortable temperature. But my sub manager showed me his works in real situation, and I found our job challengable. I'll do my best and be careful not to be drowsy during my training. I think it's effective to think about our uncertain lives, realize that we don't know when we die, to do our best with full power even in mandane daily life. We can't just notice how precious it is in such happy days. I love Japan with full of my heart.

New challenges

Ｉ am to be working as a help desk in IT industory from July. I'm not familiar to that industory and knowledge, but it seems that the company I had applied for weighed my English skill and maybe, my character.

I have to deal with all of working shifts, and they include from morning, afternoon, and even midnight one. But the salary is decent for me, so I'll do my best.

And I decided to write my English or Japanese blog at least once in a day, namely everyday, as soon as possible. This is because I found a writer writing that if we continue doing something for a decade, we can be a professional of that.  I hope I can be any kinds of professional writers some day, so I just start to sow seeds of the future.

近況

最近は、洋書をあまり読んでないです。お気に入りのpodcastを聴いたり、ＴＯＥＩＣ模試のリスニング問題を1.4倍速にしたやつをシャドーイングしたり、瞬間英作文をやったりはしてますが・・・つまり、読み書きよりも、聴く・話す偏重になっています。

1.4倍速のシャドーイングをやってると、Core1900のニュース英語ぐらいはラクにシャドーイングでおっかけられるようになります。NHK world newsも時々DWして聞いていますが、やっぱり参考書のニュース英語（文章も載ってて、何度でも復習できる）とは違って、一発でばっちり理解できたとはなかなかいきませんね。でも真剣に聞いてると、７割ぐらいは理解できてると思います。あとは語彙の問題です。知らない単語や言い回しが出てくると、一瞬考えてしまい、その後の文を聞き逃してしまうのです。語彙を増やしていけばこうした問題はなくなってくるはずですが、地道な努力が必要ですね。

バイトをかけもちしながら、フルタイムの仕事の面接を受けています。昨日は二次面接でした。同行してくれた派遣会社の方によると、わりと圧迫面接だったようです。俺としては、たしかに痛いところを突かれたとは思ったものの、やはりそこは聞きたい所だろうな・・・とは思ったので、ありのまま正直に答えました。さて、どうなるか・・・

things I've known before birth

彼女に対する不満ばかり言ってしまい、自己嫌悪。やっぱり彼女の言うように、もっと合う人を探したほうがいいのかな、と思う。彼女は特に強く変わりたいとか思っているわけでもないのに、「変われ、変われ」と言うのは彼女を尊重してない事になるから。
Recently I'm often frustrated with my girlfriend's bad point, and I got disgusted myself after I accused her. I wonder if it's better to search for more suitable someone else. It must be bad that I hope for her change unless she doesn't want to change herself, because it means I don't respect her personality.

そうして、気持ちの整理をつけて、別れて新しい出会いを探そうと決意する。でも、別れようとすると・・・、笑ってる彼女の写真を見たりすると、心の深い部分から悲しみがこみ上げてくる。”嫌だ、ずっと一緒に居るんだ・・・”それで俺は、自分から言い出しておきながら「そのままの○○でいいから、やっぱり一緒に居てください」と謝る。そんな事がもう何回目だろう。
And then, I straightened my thinking and determined to break up with her, and look for a new romantic encounter. But when I tried to do so... when I see her smile in the picture... suddenly, grief surges from the deep part of my heart. "No, I wanna be with you, for ever!"
...And I withdrow my decision and apologize to her, say "after all, I want you to be with me. It's OK you'll stay the way you are." How many times have the scenes like this happened so far?


彼女と付き合いはじめて少しした頃、ある夢を見た。それは、”柿の木に実が成った”という、それだけのシーンの夢。こんなに単純な夢を見るのも珍しい事だった。
でも俺には、その夢が神様との約束が成就された事を意味する夢のように思えた。彼女と出会う事によって、それは成就されたのだろう。生まれる前からの約束があったのかもしれない。俺が人生の中で一番苦しく、闇の中で道を見失いそうになっている時、俺を救うためにきっと現れるという約束が・・・俺にとっては、菩薩さまのような存在なのかもしれない。
奇しくも、彼女の誕生日は俺のお袋と同じなのであった。
I saw a certain dream shortly after going steady with her. It was just the scene that a fruit was ripe on a Japanese persimmon tree. It was very rare for me to see such a simple dream.
But somehow I felt the meaning of the dream was "the promise with the God" has been accomplished. I think it was done by encountering her. There might be the promise which was made before we were born in this world. The promise that she shall come to save me when I'm undergoing the severest suffering and about to lose my way in darkness... She may be the "Bosatsu"  for me.
(Bosatsu is the buddhistic feminine or androgynous deity whose image is like the Holy Mother)
To my surprise, her birthday is the same to my mom's.

色々と合わない点も多いのですが、それでもやっぱり大切にしないといけないんだ、と思い直した次第です。
There are still lots of incompatibilities of our temperaments, but even so, now I think that I have to cherish her.

オンラインで英会話練習

 ラングリッチ というオンライン英会話サービスの無料レッスンを受けてみました。スカイプをダウンロードして、あとはとりあえずマイクがあれば利用できます。（ＷＥＢカメラはなくても出来る）以前にレアジョブを１、２ヶ月だけやってた事がありますが、サイトの使いやすさなどはレアジョブをより洗練させたような感じで好印象でした。今回は無料体験（２回まで）ですが、料金や講師がフィリピン人という点などもレアジョブと似ています。レアジョブが走りで、今は同業他社が増えたのでしょうね。

会話の出来はというと、どんどん話すための瞬間英作文トレーニングで練習していた成果もあってか、以前よりは流暢に話せるようになってきている気がしますが、まだ適切な単語が出てこなくて「あー、うー」となってしまう事がたまにあります。この「あー、うー」が長すぎると相手に与える印象はかなり良くないみたいです。英語ならせめて"well..."とか"whatchama call it..."とか言ってた方がまだ間を保てるのかな。この本はすでに何周かしていてだいぶ慣れたので、今は本を見ずにＣＤを聞いて瞬間英作文しています。

How is "素直な" disposition described in English?

I've had a sudden question as mentioned above. And I took a dip into a dictionary, but I couldn't find the definition which I feel suitable to the word.

So I tried describing the meaning of "素直" , which is a Japanese word and one of the noun forms of the adjective "素直な". The following definition is just a personal interpretation.

In my opinion, the Japanese word ”素直”（you should pronounce "sunao"） means the character that makes a person possible to perceive and recognize true feeling of him/herself, and also can recognize both agreeable and disagreeable aspects of one's self calmly. 素直な("sunao na") person has a pure and good heart and so he or she should has a nice friend. But 素直な person might feel difficult about coping with relationship among wicked people. That is, of course, water doesn't mix with oil.

And I think 素直な mind is a key of making one's life a happy one. Could you grasp the meaning of it?